Dogs in cage at dog market in Seoul

Dear Seoul Times:

I have recently become aware of Korea's horrible torture and slow death of dogs and cats. I have seen the pictures of live puppies and kittens being thrown into boiling pressure cookers, have seen the videos, have heard the screams and have had enough. For decades, your country's barbaric practices have gone unnoticed in America. That is about to change.

You see, the international humane societies have focused on pressuring people who have no intention to change. As a result, your atrocities have gone unnoticed in the American and European public. The international societies, which are truly wonderful groups, have completely missed the point. They should have outraged and angered the American and European population through a carefully developed marketing campaign exposing your tortures. All that needs to be done is to present pictures of Korean's torturing their dogs, burning their fur with blow torches, slamming kittens on the pavement, and putting live baby animals into boiling water to make "liquid cat." You are about to look like 3rd world idiots and that can't help your country achieve a higher living standard.

Americans pamper and love their pets while your people torture and mutilate theirs. Americans consider these loving creatures our "kids." Your barbaric actions have violated our intense bond with our "kids." We do silly things with our pets like putting tuxedos on them and taking their pictures for our Christmas cards, and having birthday parties for them. You might as well have made our real children into Korean sausages. That's how we see it. However, so far, very few Americans and Europeans have actually seen it.

So, that's where we come in. We are marketing and advertising professional and understand how to create and manage a campaign. We are going to wake up America and Europe to your atrocities and let them take over.

Make no mistake, The United States and Europe do not need Korea or Koreans to maintain our daily standard of living. We consider most of your exports to be cheap crap anyway so there will be little given up when we buy our underwear elsewhere.

Korea is going to have a public relations nightmare during the next several years and by admitting that you have completely wiped out your atrocities, you will, in the process, be admitting that you are guilty of committing them in the first place. A growing hatred for Korea is about to run wild in the civilized world. But don't worry, the Philippines and China will be included for their atrocities.

Judgment day is here, my friends.