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  Global Views
Of the Insanity of Our Children
By Thomas Emmon Pisano
US Correspondent
Members of an American family enjoy dinner at house.

There are times when you look around you and you wonder what has gone wrong. You see people who at one time in their lives were indeed children, young and full of life's blessings, able and charged with the promise of the future. You marvel at what could have been for these men and women who had all there was for life to give them, but instead they squandered it for something less important. Some chose alcohol, drugs, or the intense egomaniacal delusions hidden inside of their minds and hearts.

We struggle to make a better life for our beloved offspring but still you have no idea what to expect from their growth and development. Our sacrifices are often at times in vain as we continue to give to them even though we know it is often a lost cause. It is the lottery of life we play when it comes to the arduous task of raising our children.

As parents we cannot see into the future or predict the outcome of the efforts given to the little ones in our care, still we do what we can to make them the best no matter what. It is our sole responsibility, as parents, to create the best for them and to make them fit to function in our modern world. Still, it is only a guess as to what may be good for the future of our children, from education to a good moral compass we strive to be right.

It is like this; when we reach our latter years, after we have done our duty, plowed our last field, and pounded our last iron, we need to be finished also with the task of parenthood. If we had done our job the way it should have been done the children should be now off and flying on their own, making their own way, creating their own fields of wheat and hammering their own metal. We may revisit them from time to time, as we go to see their accomplishments and taste their fruit plucked from life's tree.

On the rare occasion we may have to heal a sick family member or re-nurture one of our children who have fallen to the side of the road for a moment, but still these late years are our own.

There are also times also that require us to take a wayward child who has become an adult and give that lame one a swift kick in the pants, jump-starting their motion again, much like one does with a lazy mule. It is not pleasant to have to come to the aid of a wastrel child who repeatedly cries for its parents over and over again after they have become adults. It makes us wonder if we have failed in some way when we see our offspring suffering from their own hand.

There are some circumstances that call for a closer look at parenting; the absence of the father in the home and the neglect that comes from parents who are troubled by their own demons. Surely, at times these things must be brought into view when the role of parent is being examined. But as a rule, and I firmly believe this, parents always want the best for their children this is a historical fact.

The feeling is this, when an adult offspring has reached a certain age, they must be allowed to suffer on their own, be allowed to figure what is wrong and repair it. Perhaps we should take the self-wounded loved one to a place of healing, but most mentally ill people do not want help. There are always tough decisions to be made when it comes to the heart of a parent, we want only joy for our children, but often, unfortunately, there is pain. These are the courses of life's path, we have to accept the good with the not so good, we often must suffer with those who are afflicted in our lives.

We cannot control fate and destiny, but we can prepare our children for the unexpected. The things I am speaking of here are the tragic lessons I have learnt from watching some children grow into adulthood. Neurotic behavior manifesting itself over a period of time; lying, stealing, arrested mental development, laziness, a lack of ambition, drunkenness, addiction to drugs and sheer irresponsibility in the face of life's challenges. Many mental health professionals think that adults who exhibit these antisocial traits have had poor upbringings this is not always true. Most parents struggle and work hard to make their children's lives as rich as possible, they sacrifice to assure that their children grow into something better than they were. Mothers especially are watchful of their young to be sure that they have all that is necessary to be wonderful adults.

Our children get a great amount of our lives, they spend years struggling to become individuals only to, at times, make the worst possible decisions. If we are poor decision makers how can our children be otherwise? The fact of the matter is that our children's minds are flexible and if we make mistakes raising our young, so what, most parents have no real experience at first in this area. It is at best a trial and error formula raising children. Do not let anyone tell you that you are a bad parent if your children are failures at life; it was their decision to follow their own path, not yours. Parenting is the toughest job the world has to offer, you do the best at it that you can. Just getting a child to adulthood is an achievement in this age of constant peril. Every parent should be given an award for their diligence.

The game of life is treacherous and full of pitfalls, if your children fall into the pit extend a hand, but be careful they do not pull you into the pit with them.



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Mr. Thomas Emmon Pisano, an electronics-engineer-turned professional writer, serves as US correspondent for The Seoul Times. A New Jersey native he has lived in California. He has started his writing career in 2003 and has authored four books including “No Murder Too Small” and Big Crimes Small Miracles.”

 

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